My Life in a Nutshell

Progress

2011-09-25T21:21:00.000-04:00

Today I was reminded of how long it's been since I blogged. I just find that the days fly & I have so much stuff going on. Before I know it the day is gone & I'm in bed.

Anywho.....Today is all about progress. There is so much progress in this house. Abby is progressing in every way possible. She's got 3 teeth with a 4th forcing it's way through. She's gone from crawling to standing & trying to take steps. And she's become very independant. She will only eat what she can feed herself. If I try to go at her with a spoon she yanks it from my hand & whips it on the floor. Definitely makes the dog happy that way. She waves & says hi. And she's very vocal about what she wants even though she can't make the words.

As far as the house itself......When we bought this house we had so many ideas of what we wanted to do with certain areas & how we wanted to fix things. Well, we've been here 2yrs & things have kind of gotten pushed aside due to neccessities such as diapers, food, oil, etc. But we're starting to get back into the groove of wanting to do things to make the house better. This past spring, Josh (with the help of one of his brothers) built new basement stairs & sealed that area of the basement so it wouldn't leak anymore. It's great. We also replaced the old busted up 1960's air conditioner in our living room for a nice modern one. Last week, Josh did more work in the basement. He tackled the job of filling the giant hole in the basement floor. It's nice to know that now nothing can burrow it's way into the house through that hole. With new stairs & the hole filled, the beer fridge made it's way into the basement. This opened up a nice space in the sunroom to put the spare TV. My next plan is to clean that room & make it a more useable space instead of just a pass through entrance where we dump our junk.

It's exciting to see all the progress just in my little world. It's amazing to see how much Abby progresses every day. She's so determined. I love it. I love her.

Couponing

2011-06-20T22:03:00.000-04:00

Since the show Extreme Couponing aired, couponing has become all the rage. I've always used coupons but recently I've become more addiment about clipping coupons and finding coupons to print online. But I still have no idea how these people do it! I mean, I do to a point. They buy multiple newspapers, make deals with the newspaper to take their extra coupon inserts, sign up for online coupons........but still. They make a full time job of this. I'm all about saving money but I can not spend 6hrs planning for a grocery shopping trip. However, I have to admit that what they do completely amazes me. I spend alot of time looking online for coupons. I'm even signed up to recieve them by email weekly from different sites. I just find that alot of the coupons are for stuff I don't use. I'm not going to buy it just because it's a good deal. I get excited when I see the savings at the bottom of the reciept but the most I've ever saved at one time is $25. Hmmmmm. I think I'm going to have to look into this more & see if I can stretch my money.

6mo already!

2011-06-19T21:04:00.000-04:00

So today is Father's Day. It's Josh's first one. We've had such a great weekend just enjoying the beautiful weather and going at our own pace. We spent the weekend as a family and that's all that matters. The pool is up for the summer. The patio is all clean and ready to go. I started an herb and vegetable container garden on the patio. I have 1 tomato plant, dill, parsley and basil. And I have seeds germinating for peppers, chives, scallions and mint. And my chamomille is coming up from last year but I want to repot it because they fried last year.

As far as my darling Abigail...she's growing so fast. She's rolling like a champ and pumping her legs to try to crawl. The day before her 6mo birthday, Josh noticed her first tooth coming through. Two days later a second one was sprouting up right next to it! As of Wednesday she weighs 15lbs and is 26in long. She's doing so good. So far, we're having a great summer. There are so many things I want to do with her this year.

Next weekend I want to get some gardening done. The retaining wall is in desperate need of weeding. I bought some flower seeds to fill in some areas. Then Sunday is a bike run and Josh wants me to meet him there with the baby so we can enjoy the food and auctions. Next week is the last weekend in June! Holy crap that flew by!

Family

2011-05-15T17:30:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind with Mother's Day, my birthday & my best friend's wedding. It has been power packed with family & friends. Now I'm completely exhausted. So, while my husband does the laundry, I'm sitting here listening to our beautiful baby yell at her toys while she bounces in her bouncer. She screeches something fierce.
I haven't been able to work on the family tree that much lately. Our free trial on ancestry.com is over so now I'm trying to organice the plethura of information that I accumulated. I spent two weeks addicted to the website and piling up as much info as I could. Now it's all in a big mess that needs to be sorted, rewritten and organized a little better. So far, I've organized my husband's maternal grandmother's side of the family. For some reason I had trouble getting too far with them. I didn't make it as far back as I did with others. But that's ok. Once everything is organized, I'll be able to see where I have holes and where I want to research some more. Then I'm going to sign up for another free trial of ancestry.com. I'm also going to take advantage of the local library's geneology department and see if I can get some obituaries. It's fun and I'm enjoying the history of it. So far, I've found out info about my husband's family that alot of them didn't even know.
As far as my little screeching bambino, it won't be long before she's rolling over. She can make it halfway but can't seem to get over her arm. She completely amazes me with the things that she does every day. Each day is some new adventure with her. Suddenly, she's blowing raspberries like a maniac. I am so blessed to have such an amazing child and a wonderful husband. I feel like my life is finally in order and where it belongs.

Following the Green Leaf

2011-04-17T22:44:00.000-04:00

So I completely underestimated how addicting ancestry.com could be. Once you start plugging in the info you know, a little green leaf appears to let you know that there are connections and leads for you to check into. Then, as you follow those leads, more info is added to your family tree and *poof*! Another green leaf appears. So you can't help but be curious and follow that little green leaf too. Next thing you know, it's almost midnight and your looking at census records from 1850 (which are all handwritten by the way) trying to decipher what in the world your great great great ancestor did for a living. It's awsome. I've found so much info on my husband's family. It's exciting. It's a complete mess at the moment, however. All chicken scratch and disorganized notes. But I want to get a book and start organizing what I've found so far. My sister has been doing ours for a while now. I'm going to take what she has and photocoy it so I can have everything. Then we're going to work on ours together. I'm having fun doing Josh's family tree though. It's cool to see what your ancestors did for a living back in the 1800's and 1900's.

Family Tree

2011-04-13T22:55:00.000-04:00

I've always been fascinated with stories my parents and grandparents have told me about distant relatives. I always wondered where they came from, what they did and how they ended up here. Years ago my sister started doing our family tree and actually got quite a bit of info. She's collected birth certificates, death certificates, marriage certificates, even my grandfather's discharge papers from the Navy. Well we've decided to start doing it together. She's going to photocopy me all the information that she has so far. I've also started collecting info about Josh's side of the family. So far I've got more on his mother's side than anything but it's a start. I've put it out there that I'm looking for the info and I'm waiting for my father-in-law to get back to me with some info about his relatives. Whatever he can come up with will definitely be a start. I'm really excited. I want to put it all together in a nice book. Something that we can add onto as we grow and that I can pass down to my children. It's important to know where you came from. It can explain so much about who you are and why you're the way you are. Family is important. It's your history, your life story. I'm excited about finding more about mine as well as Josh's.

Confessions of a crazed maid-of-honor

2011-03-18T21:47:00.000-04:00

Ever get asked to do something that everyone else thinks is an honor and you just feel it's a hassel? I'm the maid of honor in a wedding in 2months. I have been so tempted to tell the bride to find another person to stand by her side on her special day. I won't go into every detail because it's just too long a list. But the bride has been very unenthusiastic about the whole thing from the get go. Which kind of makes me not interested. Why should I be when the bride really has no interest? She's also one of those people that feels entitled to everything but has nothing. Her father offered to pay for her wedding. That's great. Everyone should be so lucky. She has waited til now to start planning anything. She booked the hall months ago and that was where it ended. So now it's crunch time and it's crazy. I offered to help her address the wedding invites. Last Sunday she shows up at my house with a stack of all her invites and intends to just drop them off then pick them up when I'm done addressing them. That doesn't sound like me helping. It sounds like me doing it all. I have a 3mo old and I work full time. I don't have time to do housework, laundry or take care of my own stuff. Never mind anyone elses. I have also run into the dilema of a wedding shower. Being the maid of honor means that one of your duties is to throw a wedding shower for the bride. Well that's all fine and dandy except that I just went back to work from maternity leave and have no money. I'd have it at my home but I cannot fit 40 people in my house. So the stepmother of the bride offered to have it at her house and take care of the brunt of the cost. I am in charge of the invites and showing up. So the lovely bride asked about a shower and I told her where it would be. Well she complained because it's an hour away and that means most people who live in this area won't go. She said she should have two showers. Two!!? Your lucky your having one. Your wedding is 8 weeks away! Where do you think anyone will find the time to plan two showers for you? And who puts an HDTV, 2 IPads and living room furniture on their wedding registry!!!??? No one else I know! Who the hell do you think is going to buy you this stuff!!??
As far as the wedding day....I plan on drinking heavily. That seems to be the only way to make it through the day without telling the bride to take everything and shove it up her a$$.

Growing up

2011-02-24T23:01:00.000-05:00

A friend once told me that when you have kids the relationship you have with your in-laws completely changes. I thought "No. Not much. My mother-in-law is great". Well that was until I got pregnant. Right from the get go my mother-in-law hounded us about it being a boy. That it was only going to be a boy and that's all we were going to have. We got frustrated with her. After having a miscarriage the year before, we didn't care whether it was a boy or girl. As long as it was a healthy baby. We couldn't stress that enough. Working in pediatrics for the past 13yrs has made me appreciate a healthy child more than anything. Once we found out we were having a girl my mother-in-law was beside herself. All she talked about was doing girly things with her granddaughter. Then she moved on to the topic of breastfeeding. She constantly asked me if I was going to breastfeed. She asked me every chance she got. Especially in public places and where my husband couldn't hear her. After the zillionth time of telling her yes I'm breastfeeding, I got kind of aggravated. I was sick of talking about it. Well once Abby was born, I had a lot of trouble with the whole breastfeeding thing. All she did was scream. She was losing weight. I was devistated. Finally, I gave in to formula and my baby was perfectly content with that. It took me a while to get over the feeling of being a terrible mom but I knew that my baby was better off getting formula. Now, all my mother in law does is throw it in my face. Everything that gets said, she replies with "Well I know nothing about that. I breastfed." F U! I'm glad you could breastfeed so easily. Not all of us could. To top it all off she now blames my daughter's acid reflux on me stating that it's because I didn't breastfeed long enough.

Before I gave birth, she offered to come over and help me with whatever I needed while I was out on maternity leave. I thought "Great! Come on over!" Talk was about as far as it went. In the 10wks since my darling daughter has been on this earth her loving grandmother has only come to this house and visited her 3 times. Two of which were because we asked her to babysit. We have repeatedly invited her over only to have her not come. Then she asks when we're going out so she can babysit. Repeatedly we tell her that we don't have money to go out and that she is more than welcome to come over any time to see her granddaughter. Nope. She would rather just not see her than spend time with all of us. The last time she came over , she completely ignored us. Only acknowledged the baby. I was pissed to say the least. So me being me, I sat down and wrote a well thought out email. And sent it to her. It plainly said that what she did was unacceptable and she was not going to come into our home and treat us the way she did. NO WAY. I didn't swear. I didn't call her names. I ended by telling her she is welcome in our home anytime and that it would break my heart not to have her as an active part in my daughter's life. Of course, she flipped it on me and is now talking shit to other family members and telling them things that weren't even in the email. I'm done. I refuse to beg this woman to see her granddaughter that she claims is so precious to her. And I KNOW that she will turn this around and say that I am keeping her only granddaughter from her but anyone who knows her knows that's a crock of crap. This is our child not hers. If she doesn't like that she wasn't breastfed tough shit. It's none of her business. I'm sick of being the bigger person and always bowing down. I'm standing up for myself and my family. I refuse to allow us to be treated the way that we have.

My ramblings are done. I could go on for pages about this but I won't. It'll only anger me further. I am going to bed.

Daycare

2011-02-24T07:41:00.000-05:00

Today is my baby's first full day of daycare. I go back to work next week so I've been weening myself into her going by bringing her some half days. But today is her first full day there. She'll be fine. She's in good hands. They love her over there and because she's the youngest everyone fawns all over her. But the reality is that going back to work is right around the corner. I definitely have mixed feeling about that. I love being home with my baby. But I don't think I'm built to be a stay at home mom. I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work. Just to get out of the house and back into a routine. Maybe it's been the nasty New England weather that has made me go stir crazy these past few months. It's definitely been a horrendous winter with one snow storm after the other, keeping me and the baby trapped in the house for days on end. Maybe I would feel differently if I was home during the spring or summer time when we could do more. Go for walks, to the park, to the beach or even just sit out in the yard. Oh well. At least I don't have to go back full time. I'm cutting down to 32hrs which gives me one day off a week. I've always worked six days-4 full days and 2 half days. I'm looking forward to a schedule that will give me an extra day off. I'll still have my 2 half days but at least I'll have a day off during the week to spend time with Abby.
I will miss her every day I am away from her. But I'll look forward to coming home that much more.
What will I do today on my first full day alone? Hmmmmmm.

My Rings

2011-02-01T09:45:00.000-05:00

Back in July I had to take my wedding rings off because pregnancy and the humidity caused me to swell right up. I haven't been able to put them on since. Now I'm 7wks post baby and I'm down about 25lbs. My rings still don't fit. So I took them yesterday to Kay's because my wedding ring was due to be inspected and cleaned in January. I usually have both rings cleaned and inspected at the same time even though my engagement ring wasn't bought there. While I was there I asked about ring sizing. Because we got the extended warranty on my wedding ring the sizing is free. I would only have to pay for my engagement ring. So I set everything up for them to be sent out to be sized. They only need to go up a half size so it's not too bad but I know that it'll be a while before I lose enough weight to make my fingers go down a half size. And I want to wear them. I'm sick of having them just sit in my drawer. So the woman inspected my rings and commented on how beautiful my engagement ring was. She then put it in a little baggy with the paper work to go out for sizing. For some reason I got really emotional. Even though I haven't been wearing my rings, it broke my heart to have someone take them. I know I'll get them back. But still. I kept thinking what if they got lost? What if when they come back they're not mine, they got mixed up with someone elses? My wedding ring is sentimental because it's my wedding ring. Our pledge of never ending love to each other. But my engagement ring is a whole other story. Not only is it my engagement ring but it's my grandmother's engagement ring. My grandfather proposed to my grandmother with that ring in the 1940's. The've been married for over 60yrs. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to that ring.

the Duck

2011-02-01T00:34:00.000-05:00

When we discussed me taking 12wks of maternity we factored n all the bills then calculated what I had for vacation time. I have also been paying the Duck for short term disability which pays me for 6wks maternity leave. So the way I calculated it, I anticipated having my Duck money shortly after my vacation time ran out. Well I mailed my paperwork into then a month ago. They recieved it on the 11th of January. It sat untouched until the 19th when they marked it as "pending". So I called after 2wks to find out how much longer it would take. The woman said it takes 10 business days from when they started working on it not from when they recieved it. Today I checked the website like I've been doing every day for weeks and the status has changed from "pending' to "in progress". I just want it to say paid!! We are down to nothing. Josh's check covers the mortgage and a few other bills but that's it. We have almost no oil, the electric bill is a week late, the car insurance, car payment and all my student loans are due. We have nothing. I'm going duck hunting.

The Countdown Begins

2011-01-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

I went for my 6wk post-partum checkup today. Everything is all set and I'm back on birth control. I love my daughter but I do not want another one any time soon. In a couple of years definitely but not within the next year. When I got home there was a message on the answering machine from my boss. She said she was sorry to break the news but she's doing the new schedule and it's got me on it. So I need to call her asap to let her know what my schedule will be and how many hours I want to work. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Talk about a slap of reality. So I called my mom to make sure that she could watch Abby the one day a week that we had talked about. Then I called the daycare to set up a schedule. Tomorrow I'm going to go and meet the woman who works with the infants. I've heard she's wonderful. I'm sure she is. I don't know how I'm going to be leaving Abby with someone else. So far we've only left her with my mother-in-law. Once. For 4hrs. We need to start weaning ourselves so that when we do leave her for a full day it won't be so devistating. At least I am friends with the daycare owner. That helps alot. It makes me feel safer knowing that she is always there. I'm also going to make sure that she has all our numbers. Josh's cel number, my cel number and my work number. And her numbers are already programmed into my cel. Now comes the planning. I have to make sure that we have enough formula and diapers to leave at the daycare. So I need to start paying attention to how much we use in a day. Thankfully, Walmart and Target have diapers pretty reasonably priced. Definitely cheaper than name brand. And they're just as good. She's only going to poop in them. She doesn't need designer diapers.
I need to start slowing working myself back into the reality of the working world.

Stress

2011-01-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness”

I knew that having a baby would be stressfull but holy crap. I love her with all my heart. She is beautiful and my heart melts when she makes her little noises or laughs and smiles. But then there are the times where she is screaming her fool head off. Her diaper is dry, she's fed, she's warm, she's just screaming her fool head off. It gets to the point where I just cry with her and rub her back. I don't know what else to do. As much as I love her, as much as I would do anything for her, sometimes I'm afraid I can't handle it. That I bit off more than I can chew. There are days where I get nothing accomplished other than baby duties. I don't even get dressed. I only make dinner twice a week most of the time. Then there are days where I can get so much done. Laundry, dishes, even a shower and get dressed. I look forward to the weekends when Josh is home because he'll take her and share the load. He'll do laundry or take care of her while I do laundry. My maternity leave ends in 5wks. When I go back to work it's a whole other piece thrown into the mix. Then I have to get myself coordinated all over again. That's my biggest fear. That once I go back to work I'm not going to be able to juggle it all. I'm home all day now and can't seem to get much done. What's going to happen while I'm working all day and am home even less?

Frump

2011-01-18T13:38:00.000-05:00

This is week 6 that I've been home. Abigail is 5wks old today. It has been an amazing 5 wks. Watching her grow and seeing the new things that she does every day. However, I'm not used to being home every day all day. The weather is horrible so going out really isn't the best idea. Especially with an infant. Mostly, I sit on the couch watching TV while I feed the baby or fold laundry. I feel my butt spreading by the minute. The last thing I want to do is gain any more weight. I've lost the majority of the baby weight. I'm now about 10-15lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. But that's still alot heavier than I want to be. I'm at that in between stage where none of my regular clothes fit and my maternity clothes are way too big. As my husband told me, I can't live in pajamas every day. So yesterday I went out and got a couple of pairs of jeans. Now at least I have bottoms that fit. Tops aren't an issue. I fit into most of my shirts. So as of today, I started logging all my calories using Sparkpeople.com. It's an awsome website that I've used in the past to lose weight. And the best part is it's FREE! I can use it to log my weight, exercise and caloric intake. It allows me to enter goals for myselft and keep track of them. It also has a whole section with healthy recipes. I refuse to stay at the weight that I am. And I am not going to get any bigger.

Ringing in the New Year

2011-01-02T12:38:00.000-05:00

This New Year's Eve was spent a little differently then in years past. Usually we have a party with everyone over. This year it was spent with just us. Josh, me & our new little addition. It was a nice night. We ordered Chinese food & watched movies. Then watched the ball drop in Times Square. The past couple of years have brought much happiness. Josh gave me a kiss and told me that we have had some great years and that he really doesn't think he can top them. That's fine with me. I'm not looking to top years past I'm just looking to have another great year. In 2008 we got married, 2009 bought a house and in 2010 had a baby. What could be better than that? The year ahead promises to be another adventure as we learn to be parents. Our relationship has grown stronger as years have gone by and I look forward to many more years ahead of us. I feel like together we can conquer anything. Take on the world.

Well Adjusted

2010-12-29T21:22:00.000-05:00

What does that mean? "Well adjusted"? I guess we're all pretty well adjusted. Everyone eventually adjusts to their environment. With that said, the past two weeks have definitely been an adjustment. I'm still adjusting. Adjusting to the lack of sleep, the responsibility of caring for someone other than myself and not going to work every day. My days consist mostly of feedings and diaper changes. I've actually become coordinated enough to do a little laundry, dishes and use the bathroom while the little one is napping. I've learned to make the most of those naptime moments, no matter how short. Whoever invented the baby swing and bouncy seat was a pure genius. Those two items buy me 10-15min slots of time where I get to pee, eat or get something to drink.

The biggest adjustment I've had to make is to the idea of breastfeeding. I've always just assumed that it would be something that would come easily and naturally. Pigmy women in the rainforests of Africa do it with no problem. Why wouldn't I? Well I was wrong. I bought all the accessories, did all the reading and set up a breastfeeding area. All the preparation in the world did not prepare me for what was to come. Latching problems lead to frustration not only on my part but on the baby's too. She screamed at the sight of it and just wouldn't latch on well. And if she did it wasn't for long. The result was my milk letting down all over her while she cried. I cried. It was all I knew how to do. Pumping proved to be less fruitful. I was able to get 2oz at a time in the beginning but then it slowed to 1/2-1oz at each pumping session. Not even worth the effort. It's not even enough for half a feeding. I've resorted to using formula. In the beginning I was determined that I would only give her formula for half her feedings and continue with the breastfeeding during the day. But that hasn't worked really well either. Now, I only breastfeed a couple of times a day and even then I have to follow up with a bottle of formula in order for her to be satisfied. I feel like a failure. Heartbroken that I can't even provide for my infant. I feel like I dissappointed not only myself but my baby and my husband too. It's something that I will have to adjust too. With life comes failure and dissappointment. I know that I will never be able to achieve everthing I set my mind on doing. I'm happy that I have achieved the things that I have. And I am thankful for my beautiful baby girl. So with that, I will adjust to the fact that breastfeeding just didn't work out well for me. As long as she is happy and healthy then I am doing my job as her mom.

Week 1 as a New Mom

2010-12-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

Week one as a new mom & so far I've cried a few tears, slept little and learned a few tricks to help me adapt. I'm quickly mastering the art of doing many things one handed. Typing, for example. This whole post is being written with ony one hand while my other arm is occupied by a sleeping princess. I've also become quite efficient at washing out bottles, eating and folding laundry all without the use of my left arm. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold her all day. There are periods throughout the day, however short they may be, where I do get some time with both hands free. Those moments usually come in 15-20min increments. Sometimes longer depending the day. I'm really thinking of getting one of those Baby Bjorn or Moby Wraps. Think of all that I could accomplish with my baby just strapped to my chest and both hands free. Aaaaah. The possibilies.
Another thing I've discovered, or I should say rediscovered, is coffee. It finally dawned on me today that I can drink coffee again! However, I think I'll stick to limited amounts because if I enjoy a little too much it might backfire on me.
I've also come to appreciate the suction cup on the bottom of my bottle brush. It allows me to wash bottles & nipples one handed. I just stick it to the bottom of the sink and just stick the bottles on top of the brush.

Aside from all that, it's the little things that I enjoy the most. Watching my sweet baby. The faces that she makes & the way she sighs in her sleep. The small changes that have taken place in the short week since she was born-her eyelashes have filled in, the strength as she lifts her head off my chest and the way she turns her eyes to me when I talk to her. It completely amazes me that we created this little life.

Boobs are no fun

2010-12-19T09:04:00.001-05:00

When I got pregnant, I was determined that I would breast feed. It's the best thing for my body and for the baby. I began reading up on it and trying to arm myself with as much information as possible. I got a breast pump and all the accessories. At the same time, I didn't want to be naive and think that I would just pop her on the boob and have everything just happen. I know that breastfeeding can be difficult for alot of women. So just in case, I put a couple cans of formula in my cabinet. Just in case. The days in the hospital were good. She latched on ok, only giving me occasional resistance. Once we got home it was a different story. She decided that she liked one over the other. It was taking at least 10-15min to get her to latch. Sometimes longer. The second night home was a complete disaster. Everything that lactation nurses tell you not to do, I did. She ate fine during the day but at around 11pm she started getting really fussy. I tried to feed her and she wasn't having it. Clean diaper, gas drops given, several attempts to get her to latch. Nothing. I even tried giving her a pacifier thinking that would calm her. It didn't. I knew she was hungry. She was sucking everything in sight but where she needed too. By 2am I was crying along with her. Uncontrollably sobbing. My husband came into the room all groggy, dog behind him, and gently took her from me. At that point I decided to pump. No no number two. I was able to get about an ounce. My husband fed it to her and she sucked it down. It calmed her enough for me to be able to try another attempt at feeding her. After a few minutes she latched and ate. But 20min later we were in the same boat. She screamed relentlessly. I was devistated. It was our second night home and it was such a disaster. I felt like such a failure. So, here came no no number three. I took out a can of formula and made her a 2oz bottle. At that point I just wanted her to eat. She sucked it down, let out a burp and passed out. She slept for 3hrs. I was relieved but heartbroken at the same time. That morning we took her to her first doctor's visit. Her weight was down 5oz since her discharge two days before. I fought back tears as the doctor encouraged me to not worry. That I was doing all I could and that I had done nothing wrong. He suggested I call the lactation consultant and return this week for a weight check. When we got home I was determined that this baby was not going to go hungry because I could not provide enough for her. So I breast fed her during the day and at her night feedings she got formula. My philosophy is that even if I can't give her solely breast milk, she'll still get the benefits from it if I can continue giving her some. I've decided that no one is going to tell me otherwise. Josh was happy to give her the formula. It gave him a chance to bond with her while feeding her. He told me that he wanted her healthy and if that meant formula then so be it.

So today I'll call the lactation consultant and see what advice she can offer. I'll probably meet with her at our appointment this week. Whatever she can offer will be of great help. Even if I continue to supplement with the formula, it's not the end of the world.

The Arrival of a Princess

2010-12-18T14:33:00.000-05:00

After being a week overdue, our beautiful princess arrived. With all ten fingers, ten toes and quite a set of lungs. She is beautiful in every way.

The doctor brought me into the hospital at 41wks to be induced. I was very nervous. I'm a weenie when it comes to pain, especially when I know that it's coming. We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 Monday night ready to get things moving. They started me on something called Cervidil to prime my cervix because I was only 1cm dilated with no labor in sight. Then at 5am on Tuesday they removed the Cervidil and started me on the Pitocin. The doctor broke my water at around 8am. From there things really started moving. My contractions were 10-15min apart by 9:30am and getting stronger. By noon I was an incohernt mess with contractions 3-5min apart. I couldn't even think straight. The time between contractions was so short that I couldn't ready myself for the next one. And I was only 3cm dilated at that point. By 1:30pm I was in an epidural bliss. What a difference. I could still feel the contractions but there was no pain. And I was completely coherent. I slept for two hours. When I woke up I was 6cm dilated. Nice! Things were moving quickly from there. I had always heard that epidurals slow labor. In my case, I think it allowed me to relax and let things move quicker. By 6:30pm I was 8cm and at 8:15pm I had begun to push. Our beautiful little girl came into the world (or "freed herself from the womb" as her uncle would say) at 8:49pm. My first veiw was only of her feet as they pulled her out. Then I got the full view when they held her up for my husband to cut the cord. He was wonderful through the whole process. From beginning to end, he was by my side. When it came time to push, he was right there holding my leg and encouraging me. He kept looking down and telling me he could see her head, her blonde hair poking out. It was amazing. For the both of us. The nurses were fabulous. They took pictures of us and did her first bath in the room so my husband was able to get pictures of that too.

It is definitely an experience that will stay vivid in both our minds forever.

40+5=a late baby

2010-12-10T18:26:00.001-05:00

Five days past my due date. Tired, sore, bloated to all hell. I am passing the time by knitting, wrapping Christmas presents and anything else to keep busy without over exerting myself. The doctor wants me resting. His exact words were "No cooking, cleaning or shopping. I want you on the couch with your feet up eating bon bons." Have you met me? I cannot sit and do nothing for too long. Millions of things I could be doing are running through my mind and eventually I do get up to do something. But I find that it takes me forever to do one simple thing. And it exhausts me quickly. I feel like an invalid and it frustrates me. Currently at the biggest I've ever been in my life, my hippo feet don't fit into most of my shoes and I fell like a heffer. I know it's all normal. My darling husband tells me that I'm not huge I'm pregnant and that's a big difference. He's been so great. Cooking, doing laundry and helping me put on my socks. That's love.
So far, the plan is to be induced on Monday. Exactly one week from my due date. I guess I should enjoy the rest and quiet this weekend while I can. After our precious little girl makes her grand entrance life will never be the same.

39wks and holding

2010-11-29T07:45:00.000-05:00

So here I am, a week from my estimated due date. Waiting. That's basically all I can do at this stage of the game. I'm a little uncomfortable but I keep moving and doing things to keep busy. We got the Christmas tree up. It just needs to be decorated. The baby now has her own stocking. We are ready. Her room is done, clothes are washed, bassinet and crib made up with clean sheets. We even got an extra changing table to keep downstairs so we don't have to run up to her room constantly.

Thanksgiving day-2 days before 39wks

I'm nervous and excited but it still seems so surreal. Like I won't believe it until she gets here. All her little things are in place and I can't wait to put them on her. Her little Harley booties. Everyone keeps asking if I'm nervous. Of course I'm nervous! But not about the labor and delivery part. That's coming no matter how scared I am. I'm nervous about being a good parent. Are we going to be able to handle this? This is a huge change. Sure, we're ready as we'll ever be but you never know how much work it is until the baby is here and screaming in the middle of the night. It's all worth it. But that's what I'm nervous about.

The nurse at the hospital asked if I had a birth plan. Yes. Plenty of drugs and make sure she comes out ok. What the hell kind of question is that? The plan is to deliver the baby. Whatever way she needs to come out. I'm not going to try to be a hero and go all natural. I've been doing a ton of reading and research on different positions and medications to help make you more comfortable during labor. I plan on using whatever is available. My plan is to get an epidural when I feel neccessary. That, people, is my birth plan.

Alice's Restaurant

2010-11-25T07:04:00.000-05:00

Every Thanksgiving at 11am my dad would make sure the radio was turned to WBSM. He would sit in his rocking chair and listen to "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie. The played it every year. Back when the song was originally made, Arlo would broadcast it live every year then the radio started playing the recorded version. The song is 18min long. This is the first time in 3yrs that I have listened to this song.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-23T19:54:00.000-05:00

I can't believe Thanksgiving is only a day away. It feels like it just snuck up on us. I think it has to do with me being pregnant and exhausted all the time. Time just flies.

I know I've said it before, but I love this time of year. I look forward to spending the holidays surrounded by family. This year is definitely an exciting one because now we have my neice and I'll have our new baby as well (even though she will have no clue what is going on). There's something about having children at the holidays that makes it even more special. It's almost like that child inside me is renewed in some way. This year we'll be doing breakfast at my mom's then dinner at my in-law's. It's a different way of doing it but that's ok. It kind of breaks my heart that my mom will be eating with my grandparents and not with us but she doesn't seem to mind. She was invited to my in-law's with us but would rather eat home. So, we'll continue our tradition of going to the cemetary on Thanksgiving morning then we'll have a light breakfast and watch the parade before we all go to different houses to eat.

As a kid, I remember waking up to the smell of turkey cooking in the house. The night before Thanksgiving, we would make the stuffing and pies for the next day. Then, my dad would get up at 3:30am to get the turkey ready and in the oven. It was always so nice to wake up to that smell. Me and my sister would get up and have pie for breakfast. Usually chocolate cream. Then we'd go downstairs to watch the Macy's day parade with my grandfather. When it was done, we'd head back upstairs to help my mom set the table and get ready to eat. My dad always timed it so the turkey was done by 11:30am. That way it had time to rest while my mom got all the other stuff ready. Usually, it was only the four of us for dinner. But, sometimes, my aunt, uncle and cousins would come over to eat with us. Either way it was always a great day. As we got older, we still did it the same way. Me & Amy would go to my mom's on Wednesday night to help make the stuffing and pies. Then we'd be back over in the morning for our breakfast pie and parade. After dinner we'd play Scrabble and just relax. It was nice. Then we'd fill the tupperware we brought with leftovers and head home.

Being married, I now have to share the holidays between two families. Different types of food and different traditions. That's all part of marriage. But I still, and always will, prefer my mom's stuffing.

$115 flashlight

2010-11-08T02:29:00.004-05:00

So, it's 2:23am and I am wide awake. I usually wake up at this time to pee then go right back to sleep. Tonight, though, I heard a plastic bag rustling in my closet. At first I just laid there, listening, trying to figure out if that's what I was really hearing. Of course, I want to find out what it is without scaring it away so I reach for the flashlight. And it's not there. Now I want the flashlight. So I'm searching the house for the damn thing and it's no where to be found. I even checked Josh's pockets because I knew he had it earlier tonight when he went to check the furnace. He bought this flashlight because it's small, super-bright & rechargeable. We learned in a safety class that this amazing flashlight was so bright it could stun a burgler at night so you could get away. Well, it does me no F@%&@* good if I can't find it!! Now does it?

Baby Cave

2010-10-31T17:18:00.000-04:00

My husband has officially dubbed the baby's room "Baby Cave". Lol. All the major stuff is finally done in the room. Now it's all the little things like putting away her toys & clothes. I'm so excited. It looks so cute. I want to do some muralling here and there eventually but right now I don't have the energy. Her clothes need to be washed and put away. I still need to sew the cushion for the window seat. I am very happy with how it came out so far. I love the color combination.

The closet area before.

The closet area after.

The window seat area before.

Window seat area after.

Baby's Room Progress

2010-10-17T21:46:00.001-04:00

We started painting trim last week. We finished that and the ceiling today. I feel so accomplished! Josh is going to do the walls tomorrow and paint the drawers for me. Then it's just me adding the finishing touches. Hopefully, next weekend, we can shampoo the carpet and put the crib together. I'm determined to have this room set up by the end of the month. Then it's just details.

The window seat or reading nook as Josh calls it...all freshly painted white.

The closet-all clean & ready for her little clothes.

This is a sample of her bedding-the inspiration for the room.

Maternity Leave

2010-10-13T22:39:00.000-04:00

Since I was 16 I have always worked. I have never been out of a job or out of work except for paid vacations. I've always been able to pay my bills with my own money and when I couldn't it didn't affect anyone but me. I am starting to get really nervous about being out on maternity leave. Luckily, I will get paid for most of it through Aflac and I've been saving my vacation and sick time to get paid for 3 extra weeks. I'm just nervous it won't be enough. We've taken all the steps to make sure that we'll be set til I go back to work-got a full tank of oil, money saved in the bank-that kind of stuff. Is this normal for me to stress about this? We both make decent money and have had no problems paying bills, mortgage and having money left to do whatever. It's just that realization that holy crap I'm going to be out of work for 3mo. However, with that said-I am looking forward to being home for that time. Because I've never been out of work. And I know that in reality, 3mo will go by quickly and in the end I will not want to leave our precious little one to go back to work when the time is here.

Juice

2010-10-10T19:43:00.000-04:00

So everyone keeps asking me if I'm craving anything. I keep saying not really. Nothing in particular. Well I realized today that I'm drinking about 2 gallons of orange juice a week. All I want is orange juice. And it can't be any orange juice. It has to be Tropicana no pulp with Calcium.

Baby's Room

2010-10-09T18:16:00.001-04:00

This being a three day weekend, I am determined to get our butt's moving on the baby's room. Josh has been saying for months that he's going to go up there and start clearing out the stuff so we can begin painting. Well I'm now 32wks pregnant and really want to get a move on. Josh is a self proclaimed procratinator so I know that I need to get up there and start pushing things along. When we first moved in, we split the upstairs bedrooms between us. One became a man room an the other became a storage/my room. Well the room that was the man room is no more-it is in the process of becoming the nursery. The second room will now become a room that we will need to share with storage and other things. The problem is finding a place to put all the junk that has accumulated up there. We've been going through things and have had a yard sale, made several trips to Savers and have put a lot out for trash. We are still not done. Josh literally has boxes of junk that he has had since before we moved in together. And these boxes have followed us from place to place. Well he's finally going through them and realizing that he doesn't need to keep old pens, notebooks, junk mail and who knows what else. While he did that, I began washing down all the woodwork, window and walls. I finally feel like we've accomplished something up there. If feels good. I also started separating the baby clothes by size. That way I can put away the stuff I won't need for a while and only wash the things that will fit her within the first few months.

The progress we've made so far.

At least the closet's finally empty!

Sundays

2010-10-03T13:18:00.001-04:00

So for the past 8yrs I've worked 6 days a week. Sunday is my only day off. It's my only day to sleep in. My only day to sit on my couch in my pj's. The only day that I don't have to get up and go anywhere until I'm good and ready. I usually get up, have breakfast while watching the news and sit in my pj's in front of the TV while folding laundry. It's my day.
Well this week my husband had his brother and nephew sleep over on Saturday night. What are we? 12? So this morning I woke up to people on my couch watching my TV. I had to get dressed before I left my bedroom. And I couldn't sleep in because there were people in my house. Grrrrr. To say the least, I did not wake up in a good mood. So I suggested we all go for breakfast. Easier said then done. Everywhere we went was busy. There was a line at every breakfast place. And it's the end of the world if we actually wait a little. Josh pouted and sulked and got all pissy because he just wanted to be home. Well I just wanted to be home in my pj's enjoying the peace and quiet but we all can't get what we want. So we ended up coming home. I ate frozen waffles in front of the computer while Josh made his brother and nephew french toast. I refused to eat his french toast. I told him to shove it up his a$$. My only day off and I couldn't even relax and enjoy it.

Baby Hats

2010-09-08T19:33:00.000-04:00

A few years ago when I graduated college I decided I needed to come up with a hobbie. I was so used to doing multiple things at once that when I officially had little to do I was fidgity. I couldn't sit still. So instead of using my fidgity hands to food in my face I decided to be productive and learn how to knit. Off to the craft store I went in search of supplies. I found a thin book in the knitting aisle called I Can't Believe I'm Knitting. I know how corny that sounds but it was basically a knitting for dummies book. That, along with some You Tube videos and I was actually doing pretty ok. I learned to follow simple patterns and I was able to make some blankets and scarves. Gloves and mittens are not happening anytime soon though. My only attempt resulted in one mitten way smaller than the other. Not a good result.
Well now that I'm pregnant I've begun looking at baby hat patterns. I've actually been having fun knitting them while I sit at night and watch TV. No, I'm not an eighty year old woman. But I do enjoy doing it and am very proud of myself when I create something. So far I've made two different styles-this basic infant hat and this ruffly baby hat. They've actually come out pretty cute. My neice is already wearing one of the ruffly ones I've made. This is what I've got so far:

My next project is a winter hat with a pom pom on top.

Hormonal

2010-09-07T22:50:00.000-04:00

I'm finding that as I get further into my pregnancy, my patience is wearing very thin. I try to bite my tongue and just let things slide but sometimes I just get so frustrated. The baby's room is not done which is fine with me. I told Josh that as long as it's done by Nov 1st then I'll be happy with that. The room is mostly cleaned out of the big stuff. All that's left is the closet full of stuff to clear out, the window seat needs to be cleaned out and the few things left in the room to be taken out. I don't think I'm being unreasonable when I say that I want the room empty and washed down before the painting begins. I was always taught not to do things half ass and I want to make sure that our baby's room is done right. While I appreciate the offers of help, I get frustrated with the help that is offered. If that makes any sense. There is still much cleaning to do before the room itself can be painted. However, one person keeps asking when they can help me paint the room. They even went as far as to go into it to see how much is left to be done. Instead of offering to help me clean the room & get it ready for painting, she said "Well we can start painting it like this". Me in all my hormonalness got really angry. I will paint the room when I feel that it's ready to paint. And NO ONE is going to rush me on that. I'd rather paint it myself then get pushed to paint it when it's not ready to be painted. I don't want to paint over dirt and grime. The walls and woodwork will be washed before it is painted. Thinking I was being over-sensitive and easily aggitated, I asked my very honest husband if I was being unreasonable in this. And anyone who knows him knows that when it comes to me being over-sensitive or unreasonable he definitely lets me know it. It made me feel better when he told me no. That I was being completely reasonable and that it's better to start with a clean slate then it is to paint around things and over dirt.

On a better note, we are going to pick out paint this weekend so that at least it will be on hand once the room is clean and ready to go. I'm excited to have the crib bedding set already so that I can match the paint and accessories to it. My shower is in less than 2wks and I'm so excited. I can't wait to start sorting through the little baby clothes and toys.

Bees-the battle that never ends

2010-09-07T22:28:00.000-04:00

So..........apparently our new plan of attack is to drill a hole in the wall & shoot the poison straight into what we hope is the nest. This is getting kind of exhausting. I don't want to paint or anything up there until this bee situation is remedied. I want to make sure that we don't have to rip out a chunk of wall before I paint in there. It would really suck if we painted the nursery & found that we had to rip out a section of nicely painted wall. The exterminator came last Friday to assess the situation again & that is the determination he came too. So they are coming again on Saturday to actually perform the procedure on my wall. It's kind of like laporoscopic surgery.......make a tiny hole & take care of a major problem. It better work this time. I've just about had it.

Pregnant meltdown

2010-09-01T20:59:00.002-04:00

So, I've been dying for mashed potatoes for days. When I got home today it was way too hot to cook. So I got the number for Pub 99 & figured out what I wanted. We went to Walmart first to get some things we needed. While checking out I called the 99 & ordered my steak tips with loaded mashed potatoes. Mmmmmmmmmm. By the time we get home & put everything refrigerated away I was starving. So I make my plate (I saved half for tomorrow's lunch) & sat down on the couch ready to enjoy my long awaited mashed potatoes. I got about 2 bites into it when Gus had a freakout & charged me. All 65lbs of him jumped in my lap, knocking my whole dinner all over the couch. I completely freaked out! I threw the TV remote & started to cry. I was so hungry & all I wanted to do was sit & eat my mashed potatoes. Josh came in & helped me clean everything up. Thankfully there wasn't any gravy but it still made a giant mess. There was still enough in my takeout container for me to eat dinner & still have some left for tomorrow's lunch. I felt bad because I was screaming & crying while Josh helped me clean & Gus just sat in his crate watching. Damn hormones.

Bees Round 3

2010-08-28T15:57:00.000-04:00

So it's been about a week & a half since the second round of bee extermination. We thought we were in the clear. We really haven't seen any bees. Downstairs anyway. Josh went upstairs a few days after the exterminator came & it was like a bee massacre. There were dead bees everywhere. Well this weekend we figured it had been a while & we should be in the clear so he went up to check everything out so we could start cleaning. Well we were apparently wrong. These resiliant little bastards are still up there. There are alot of dead ones but there were quite a few live ones also. I'm going to call the exterminator again on Monday. We have a 90 day guarantee.

I'm so stressed about this it's ridiculous. I feel like I can't go upstairs & get anything done. My shower is in 3 weeks and her room won't even be clean enough to put stuff in. I'm tired & I cried for about an hour after the bee discovery. I know I'm emotional but this is getting to be too much. I just want the freaking bees dead & no longer in this house. All I want is to be able to go upstairs & clean so I can get the room ready for my baby. Enough is enough with the bees. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who has been going up there & getting things done. He's started clearing stuff out & asking what I want to do with what's up there. I just can't bring myself to go up there.

Amazing evening

2010-08-25T22:07:00.001-04:00

The past couple of days the baby has been kind of quiet in there. So tonight I drank a glass of orange juice, sat on the couch & waited. Within 10min she started thumping around in there. So I took Josh's hand & placed it on my belly. I told him just to wait & keep his hand there. The look on his face was amazing when he felt that thump. It was the first time that he felt her. He was so excited to feel her kicking him. It's the small things like this that make me smile every day.

Battle of the Bees

2010-08-20T07:43:00.000-04:00

Over the course of the summer I had been noticing dead bees in one of our upstairs bedrooms. Everytime I mentioned it Josh kind of blew it off saying that they mut be getting in while we have the door open. I decided to walk around the outside of the house to check for any nests. No nests. But, I did see a crazy amount of bees collectin on an area of the roof near the upstairs bedroom window. So I mentioned it to him. We decided that it would be worth the money to call an exterminator. The last thing I wanted was my husband up there on a ladder getting attacked by millions of bees. So we got an estimate & on the following Tuesday the little pest control van pulled up to kill some bees. Josh got home first after work & said it was like a bee massacre had occured. There were dead bees all over the front walk & front porch. All over the living room. I'm glad he got home first. So Tuesday night was spent on guard as groggy bees wandered out from under our couch & appeared from what seemed like no where. Wednesday was the same thing. By Thursday morning I had enough. If I saw one more living bee in my house I was going to have a nervous breakdown. So I called the exterminator and described to the woman who answered what we were experiencing. I asked her if this was just the normal progression of the poison & should we just ride it out. She said that this was not normal & put me on hold. When she came back she asked what time I would be home. I told her that I got out at 1pm & could be home by 1:30. "He'll meet you there" she says. OK. So when I got home the man in the little pest control van was waiting for me. He came inside & inspected the room upstairs where we originally had the problem as well as the living room that sits directly below it. Well apparently they were getting in throught the roof near the window then migrating down the window frame into the space between the floor of the upstairs & the living room ceiling. He told me that in order for him to take care of it that I would have to leave the house for at least an hour. So I took the dog & off I went. My original plan was to drop him off at Petco to get groomed then do some shopping to kill some time. Well of course Petco didn't have any available appointments that afternoon so I had to figure out what to do with poor Gus. We wandered all around Petco & I got him a new toy & some treats. Then we loaded back into the car. I took the long way home...all back roads to eat up some more time. I was determined to stay out as long as possible. I ended up at my mother-in-laws yard. I napped on her yard furniture while Gus explored & then curled up next to me. I stayed there until Josh got out of work.

So it has been about 17hrs since the bug man sprayed & so far we have not see any live bees. I'm hoping that round 2 did the trick & that we've won the battle of the bees.

My goals as a mom

2010-08-16T19:04:00.002-04:00

I want to raise my children with respect for themselves & others.

I want my children to appreciate what they have & learn that not everyone is as fortunate.

Have manners-at least when we're out in public.

I want them to know how much they are loved by us.

I want to create many happy memories with them so that one day when I am no longer with them, they will look back & have those good memories.

I want to make sure I let them know how proud I am of them in everything that they do.

I want to support my children in everything that they want to accomplish. And provide an environment where they can feel that they can accomplish anything.

These are my goals as a mom. I hope that I can as great a mom as I want to be.

2010-08-12T20:24:00.000-04:00

For once I would like to come home & just do the things that I need to do. I'd like to come home & start dinner without having to clean up miles of dog diarrhea before I can. I would like to be able to do laundry without having water all over the basement & having to figure out why the drain isn't working. For once this week I would like to go to bed without having to listen to a jackhammer & construction crew outside my house until 2am. I'm tired & frustrated. I just want to do basic things like dishes, laundry & make dinner without having all kinds of other crap I have to do first. There is so much to be done & there is so much of it that we can't do because of other things in the way that have to be done first. Big checkmark from my list of to-dos: An exterminator has been called & will be coming on Saturday to inspect the house. Hopefully we will be bee free & can start working on the baby's room.

I am stressed, tired & overwhelmed. My feet are swollen & my house is a mess.

Disney

2010-08-04T08:21:00.000-04:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been in awe with Disney. I always dreamed of going & seeing the castle. Well, growing up we really couldn't afford trips like that. My parents did their best by taking us to the cape & camping but we were never able to go to Disney. About 4yrs ago my sister & I decided to take a trip to Disney together. We booked our trip, payed on it weekly, even went on the Disney website & ordered special maps that said "Mello Family Disney Vacation" on them. We were like two little girls. So excited. People at work thought I was so sweet to take my little sister to Disney-until they found out that she was 24 & I was 27. Then they laughed. But I was excited! I had never been.

Then the day came. Josh & Justin drove us to the airport. We got the earliest flight we could so that we could have the whole first day there. We arrived at the Orlando airport & my stomach flipped when I saw the woman with the large Mickey hand waving us toward the Disney buses. Once we got to the park & checked into the hotel, we headed straight to Magic Kingdom. It wasn't Disney until we saw the castle. I can remember everything about that trip like it was yesterday. We stayed at Pop Century resort in the 60's section. Outside our building was a giant play-dough can & Baloo the bear. We were up at the crack of dawn & stayed til the parks closed. It was 2am & we were on the Pirates of the Carribbean ride for the millionth time. We saw every show that we could take in. Went on every ride we could. Watched every parade. Took our picture with every character wwe could find. We wanted to make sure we didn't miss a thing. All four parks went by in a blur. We slept very little.

I've since been back to Disney once. It was for a work conference & we stayed right on the property where we could see Magic Kingdom. I had fun but it will never compare to the trip I took with Amy. Now, we're already starting to plan our next trip where we will also be taking our little girls who will only be 8mo apart. I'm already getting excited!

Being poor

2010-07-29T21:03:00.001-04:00

We've all had those times. Times where Ramen noodles & hot dogs make up your dinner. When your wondering if you should pay the electric bill or buy food. We've all had those times. And if you haven't your either lying or lucky. And if you look back at those times, not fondly, you know that the only way you got out of it was to work. Anywhere. Whatever job would take you. For whatever wage was offered. And however many jobs it took. Years ago, I was in that position a few times. At one point I was working a full time job, a part time job & I cleaned a house once a week. When I was in college, I worked as close to full time as possible & picked up some side jobs doing murals for the extra bill money. Like I said we've all been there. But it makes me sad & angry to see people who constantly cry about being broke, not able to pay rent or buy food, but they do nothing about it. They make excuses why they can't work or when you tell them that a place is hiring they make an excuse as to why they can't work there: the hours, the schedule, the pay, never done that kind of work before. If your going to food pantries to feed your family then any job is better than nothing & should be jumped at. If you've never worked in that type of place then learn. And the hours? Well if you sitting home all day doing nothing then obviously you can work whatever hours they give you. The pay?? Your too broke to afford to work for minimum wage??!?!?!?! Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't get it. I'm sorry. I've worked hard all my life. I've worked since I was 16. And I know that in todays economy it's not always easy to find a job but when your out of one & broke then any job should be sufficient.

Let the countdown begin

2010-07-06T07:25:00.001-04:00

So..in 10days we will find out what our little bambino will be. Boy or girl. I can't wait to finally be able to pick out a theme for the nursery & go crazy putting things on my registry.

Last week, after my doctor's appointment, I was telling Josh how the baby kept moving when the doctor was trying to get the heartbeat. He looks at me & says "It moves in there?!?!" It was such a cute innocent question. Then I told him how this week it's the size of a sweet potato. So later, at the grocery store he picks up a sweet potato & is like "holy crap!" I can't wait for him to go with me to next week's ultrasound & see his little baby up on the screen for the first time.

Art

2010-06-18T08:18:00.003-04:00

I've always done some sort of art. It's very relaxing & I've always enjoyed creating something. It allowed me to give unique gifts to my family & friends without breaking my wallet. I've always dreamed of having an art room with plenty of light where I could go & just relax & paint, sketch or just create. When Josh & I first moved in together, the apartment we had was a huge 3 bedroom & I had a whole room just for my art supplies. My easel was always set up so I could just go in & pick up a brush. I've always been an early riser, even on the weekends. So on Sundays I would get up & go to my art room, put on my headphones & paint. I loved it. Well, that neighborhood started getting pretty bad & after a few years we couldn't take it anymore so we moved. We sacrificed space for a nicer area. So my art supplies spent most of their time in the closet boxed up. We just didn't have the space. I continued to paint by doing murals for extra money. Something I enjoyed & I could make some cash on the side.
Now, with our house, we have the space for me to paint. I've just lost that drive. My supplies have sat for so long, I'm afraid I won't know what to do with them or that the talent is gone. Josh has been really pushing me lately about painting. He says that I need to start doing it again. So, I think, with all the rearranging we're doing to get ready for the baby, it's time to carve out a nice space for my supplies. I was thinking our sunroom. We really don't use it much except as a walk thru into the back yard. There are sliders that look out & it's a nice view. I could clean up a bit in there & declutter, make room for my easel & a few supplies. On nice days I could even bring my easel out onto the patio.

It's so wonderful to have such a supportive man in my life who pushes me to do the things I love.

Dinner

2010-06-16T19:09:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting here listening to music while dinner is in the oven. My favorite.....chicken topped with salsa & baked in the oven with red beans & rice on the side. Mmmmmmm. Stopped at the library on the way home & picked up 2 new books. This is the boring life of me. But I love it. I love to just putter & relax. Last night we sat out on the patio until it started to get dark. Just talking. What would we do if we won the lottery? Other then the obvious....you know....travel, pay off the house, home renovations. That kind of stuff. Once we're done with the traveling...what would we do with our days? Well, Josh being Josh said that he would open up his own business. Something he really enjoyed & that he could work whenever he wanted. Me....I would love to be a stay at home mom. Just til the kids started school. Then I'd find something else to do with myself. But I would love to spend my days doing crafts with my children, reading them books, having them help me as I made dinner. That would be the life. Then, when the kids are in school, I think I'd take painting classes or work in the library part time. Something relaxing & enjoyable.

I cooked!!

2010-06-08T19:58:00.001-04:00

So, because days have been long & Josh has already stopped for fast food by the time he gets home, I haven't been cooking. I think I've cooked one meal a week for the past month. Grilled cheese sandwiches have become my favorite dinner. I have kind of felt bad for not cooking. Josh has taken to making himself hotdogs or a sandwich. So today I made buffalo chicken with mexican rice & broccoli. It was so good. And it felt good to actually cook a meal.

The beat goes on

2010-06-01T19:14:00.001-04:00

Well I am officially in my last week of my first trimester. I feel great & I haven't put on to much weight-about 5lbs. However, I've already switched to maternity jeans & stretchy pants because nothing fits. I'm up half the night peeing or tossing. But that's ok....It's all worth it in the end. I got to see the baby at my appt last Friday. It was so exciting to see the little skully face looking back at me. Holy crap......there really is a little human in there. I'm starting to get excited. I was afraid to get to excited because I was afraid that it would all be swept away from me. But things are going great & I'm looking forward to what comes next. In 5wks we'll get to find out whether it's a boy or a girl. I'm so excited to finally be planning a mural for a room that will be in my own house. I've done so many for other people's children & I've enjoyed doing them. It's just that now I get to plan what I want & be as creative as I want for my own child. I have so many ideas my head is going to explode. It all depends on what it is then I'll get to decide on which decor I'll choose for the nursery. All I know for sure is............IT"S A BABY!

Tea

2010-05-22T20:30:00.001-04:00

So, in the many pregnancy magazines & websites I've been reading, they talk of how tea can be used to wash away gray hair. Because you really should wait until after your first trimester to color your hair. Well, my grays are showing really bad. I just couldn't take it anymore. So I read an article about using Earl Gray tea for dark hair to cover up grays & helps calm frizz. I figured, tea's cheap, what do I have to lose. Well, I brew the tea, wash my hair then pour the tea in my hair like the article says. I let it sit for 20min per the directions. After rinsing the tea out, my hair felt all matted & nasty. I had to condition it pretty well in order to get it to feel normal again. Once my hair was towel dried, I looked in the mirror hoping to at least have darkened them a bit so they weren't so noticeable. Lets just say the tea idea is crap. My grays are still there with a vengeance. So much for that idea.

Gus & his chicken

2010-05-18T07:20:00.003-04:00

When we first got Gus, Josh went out & got all kinds of puppy chew toys for him. One of the things he got was a rubber chicken. When compressed, the chicken would make this awful loud noise. Well poor Gus was absolutely petrified of the chicken. It would make it's noise & he would jump back. Poor thing. Well he learned quickly that he could overpower the chicken & it soon became his favorite toy. He would stomp it & shake it. When the chicken would make it's noise, Gus would howl along with it. It was so cute! Well, a couple of weeks ago, Josh got sick of listening to the chicken & put it in the closet. It was the only toy that Gus would play with for hours. Today, I remembered the chicken & pulled it out of the closet. Gus perked right up & came running for it. He was so excited to have his chicken back. He looked like he had found his lost best friend. He ended up playing with it so hard that he tore a hole in its head so now it doesn't make the noise as loud as it used too. I think it's time for a new chicken.

Chocolate Chips

2010-05-10T19:53:00.003-04:00

For my birthday my mom got me a cookbook to add to my collection. The whole book is recipes that include chocolate chips. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones talking but I think I'm going to make a new recipe every couple of weeks. Mmmmmm. Chocolate chips. Chocolate is good with everything. It's great in cookies, breads or cakes. By itself. It's even a wonderful accompaniment to fruit. Chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite! So I think I will blog about my new chocolate creations as I try them out.

10wks

2010-05-09T19:20:00.002-04:00

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

Lilacs

2010-05-06T18:14:00.002-04:00

When we first started talking about buying a house we did what everyone else in that position does. We thought of everything we would want in a home: location, style, size & obviously price. We came up with the idea that we wanted a solid home that needed some updating, at least 3 bedrooms, a second floor, a garage & a good sized yard. Once we began looking, we started thinking of all the little things we wanted too. Josh was determined that he wanted to plant a pear tree in the yard of whatever house we bought. When he was a kid, his grandfather had a pear tree & he used to pick the pears to eat. So a pear tree it was. For me it was lilacs. I've always wanted my own lilac bushes. They are my favorite flower & scent. When I was growing up we used to pick them from the house next door. Their's grew over into our yard & they always told us to help ourselves. So it's another one of those things that reminds me of my childhood. Well when we bought our house we were surprised to find that the knobby tree growing in between our house & barn was actually a pear tree. Josh was so excited. He finally had a house with a pear tree. I think the tree is diseased but that's ok. We just don't eat the pears. A few weeks ago I was so excited when I acquired some baby lilac bushes from a friend of a friend. I finally had my own lilac bushes. And even though it's going to take a while before they are full grown & blooming, that's ok. Well yesterday, while I was outside with the dog, I noticed large tree like bush on the other side of the yard. It had purple blooms on it. Under closer inspection I realized that it was a lilac bush! I was so excited. I feel like this house was really meant for us. It needs some TLC & even though we've been here almost a year we're still discovering new things.

Enough

2010-05-04T18:31:00.001-04:00

I have completely had it with this crap. A few weeks ago we discovered that Gus had broken his crate because he outgrew it. Well, instead of getting another crate (because my wonderful husband said they are too expensive) we decided to just block off areas of the house & let Gus have reign over the rest of it while we're at work. Well I've had enough. Every day I come home to piles off poo & chewed things. I'm sick of coming home after working all day & having to do a massive cleaning of my house before I can even sit down to relax. Today was the last straw. He chewed the cordless phone, a plastic bucket, a pee pad & I have still yet to find the TV remote. I AM DONE! Tonight I am going to get a crate & I don't care what it costs. We can not afford to spend a fortune on vet bills because the dog ate something that got stuck or made him sick. I really thought he ate the batteries for the cordless phone because it took me a while to find them. I'm tired & I can't go thru this every day. He is going in a freakin crate.

Bravery in the face of Bees

2010-04-26T18:00:00.001-04:00

So, I am absolutely petrified of bees. Most flying insects actually. I'm really not sure why. It's a very irrational fear. I've never been stung that I remember. Well lately I have been finding bees in the basement. It began with one or two then turned into many-four or five at a time. I began by squishing one that was crawling on the floor. Then I just kind of freaked out and refused to go into the basement. I made Josh in charge of laundry until he remedied the bee situation. Granted, they are the big giant bumble bees that don't sting. But they're the size of my freakin thumb!! I am not going down there. So last week Josh tells me not to worry because they are all dead. Trusting my beloved husband, I grab my basket of laundry & head to the basement. Bringing my 13yr old nephew for moral support. We get down there & there are at least 8-10 giant bees lying on the floor. Supposedly dead. Until one starts crawling around. So I scream to my fearless nephew to squish it. And what does he say???? "No, I don't like the way they crunch under my shoe." Big help he was. We both come running upstairs & shut the basement door behind us. Again, I inform my husband that I am not going into the basement until he remedies the bee situation. That was last week. Again, he informs me they are all dead. Today, being the good sister that I am, I took some of my sister's dirty laundry to help her out. I brave my basement & put the load in the washer. All seemed well. The supposedly dead bees are lying all over the floor. More than before. Once the washer is done I cautiously head to the basement to switch it to the dryer. Only to find the "dead" bees crawling around on the floor. To say the least, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I came running upstairs, making sure to close the basement door behind me. Then I called my sister & explained to her my dilema. She sent over my brother-in-law. She figured it was the least she could do considering I was doing her laundry. He found 5 living bees in the basement. Two of which were flying around. He killed them all. And discovered that they are coming in from under my basement stairs.
So here I am, running out of clean clothes and I absolutely refuse to go in the basement. If Josh does not take care of them asap I am hiring an exterminator. I don't care what it costs.

Such a bad blogger.

2010-04-21T21:27:00.001-04:00

I've been really lazy about blogging lately. I've had a lot going on & I'm just kind of pooped. Last week, we welcomed the newest addition to our family~my niece Lana. After spending 28hrs in the hospital on little sleep & hospital food, she finally arrived. And she is making her presence known! She is as demanding & stubborn as her mother but so freakin cute.

We are also having some disciplinary difficulty with our fur-baby Gus. He managed to sabotage his crate so it wouldn't close properly. So I bungee-corded him in. He was not happy with that & actually chewed the door on the crate, making his lip raw & bloody. So now, we're just puppy-proofing the house the best we can & cleaning up whatever mess there is when we get home. Today was especially interesting because he peed on out bed. Ugh. Josh stripped everything off it & put it in the washer. Thankfully, the comforter & sheets took the brunt of it. But still. I'm going to have to figure out a way to keep him out of the bedroom-our door doesn't close right & he jumps over baby gates. I might buy 2 gates & stack them. We'll see. It's always an adventure.

Sleep, who needs sleep?

2010-04-06T06:20:00.001-04:00

Well it's 6:15 & I've already been up about 2hrs. Gus decided to explode in the sunroom while I was putting my shoes on to take him out. So at 4am I was cleaning a 3lb pile of dog poo. If that doesn't wake you up I don't know what will. So here I am. Wide awake. I tossed & turned a bit before finally just getting out of bed. I didn't want to wake up Josh. He's on vacation this week & he can sleep late. Now it's time for breakfast & to begin getting ready for my day.

Houdini the dog

2010-04-02T18:16:00.002-04:00

So last week my dog Gus escaped from his crate while we were at work. I assumed it was because I didn't close the crate door right. He didn't destroy anything in the house so I didn't stress to much about it. Well today Josh comes home from work & Gus had escaped again. This time he destroyed a snowman on a sled that I had upstairs & my easter bunny ears. Not horrible but still. Well after further inspection I discovered that he had chewed the pieces on his crate that hold the pins in place on the doors. So he sabotaged his crate!! Damn dog. But he's so freakin cute.

Lana's Room

2010-03-30T20:33:00.003-04:00

So I finished muraling my niece's room. She'll be here in a few weeks so I figured I had to get a move on. If you can't tell by the pictures, my sister & I are both big into Disney. It was only fitting to make this room princess ready with birds, fairy godmothers & Tinker Bell.

A room fit for a princess! Now all it needs is Lana!

My Green Thumb

2010-03-27T11:28:00.005-04:00

My seeds are starting to sprout! I'm pretty excited. I know that sounds stupid & that germinating seeds is easy but I haven't been too successful in the past with it. So far everything's coming up but the peppers. All I did was buy one of those greenhouse things with the peet pods in them & followed the directions on the kit.

This is what I have so far:
Chives, Lavender, Chamomille, Catnip, Dill, Tomatoes

Today I started strawberry seeds. I figured the other stuff was sprouting so why not. I bought a hanging strawberry pot kit from Walmart. Not one of those Topsy Turvy thing. Just a hanging pot kit. It came with everything I needed. It had this hard hockey puck shaped thing that I put in a container & added 4 cups of warm water to it. Within 15 min I had a whole thing filled with soil. Then I put some soil in the 4 little cups that came with it & added the seeds. I put the cups in a baggie & put it in the kitchen window. The directions say it should take 3 wks to sprout. So we'll see how that goes.

Drink Time!

2010-03-24T21:16:00.004-04:00

When we moved into our house, I was unsure what to do with the top of a built in cabinet in the sunroom. It has a tile top & is about bar height. So, I did what anyone would do, set it up as a mini-bar. Well our mini-bar has grown into quite a collection. I have it all set up with liquor, shot glasses, margarita glasses & a martini shaker. I love it. I did it for the holidays & have kept it that way since. We've slowly picked up bottles of different liquor to add to our collection. I found a great website (drinksmixer.com) where I can search for drink recipes & get creative. So, I thought I'd share the recipe for tonight's refreshment.

Chocolate Mint Smooth recipe

Scale ingredients to servings
1 oz dark creme de cacao
1/2 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
1/4 oz peppermint schnapps
1 oz cream

Shake ingredients & serve in a cocktail glass.

It tastes like an Andes candy! It's so good! Enjoy!

Reinventing Leftovers

2010-03-23T20:11:00.002-04:00

So, Josh always makes fun of me saying I can never make the same meal twice. He's right. I love food & I love to experiment with different ingredients. So tonight I made something I've made before-chicken topped with salsa & baked. It's so good & I always like to pair it with spanish rice. Well, I didn't have any spanish rice mix in the cabinet so I decided to reinvent the leftover rice pilaf from last night. In a skillet I heated some olive oil & garlic then added chopped peppers & onions (frozen-I'm lazy). Once the peppers & onions started to cook a bit, I added one can of red kidney beans, drained & rinsed. I added a little water & simmered it all together. For seasoning I threw in some Mrs. Dash & a little salt. Once the beans started to cook & added the left over rice pilaf. I let that simmer for 5-10min, stirring occasionally so it didn't stick to the bottom of the pan. It was done once everything was heated thru. It was so good! I served it with the chicken & brussel sprouts. It made a colorful & flavorful meal. I love when my concoctions come out good.

Attempt to Garden

2010-03-21T17:52:00.004-04:00

With the warmer weather coming I thought it would be good to get started clearing out the gardens. Last summer I kind of let the weeds take over & let everything die where it was. This summer I really want to take care of everything & I figure if I start early getting it ready then it won't be so overwhelming. I cleaned up half of the gardens in the yard, clearing them of the debris left over from last year. I also transplanted some of the lillies to other areas. I'm hoping they'll take. The one's near the porch have multiplied & are completely taking over. Hopefully they'll take well. We'll see. I'm also trying out a few herbs & veggies. So far, I've got tomatoes, peppers, strawberries & some herbs. We'll see how green my thumb is.

Fruits & Veggies

2010-03-15T07:40:00.002-04:00

Today is my day one of my one week detox diet. It basically consists of fruits, veggies, egg whites & veggie burgers. Plenty of water with lemon & some herbal tea. It's only a week. I can do anything for a week, right? Talk to me at the end of the week & I'll let you know.

Dear Previous Home Owner

2010-03-14T12:24:00.003-04:00

Thank you for selling us your home. The reputation that came with it has been a joy hearing about. The neighbors & local police have been especially welcoming & also thank you for the sale.

Thank you for telling us the basement didn't leak when, in reality, you had put the roof's drainage pipe directly into the foundation. Which caused water to spew into the basement. However, you were nice enough to cover the leaky walls with wood paneling. Thank you.

Thank you for the "semi-finished" basement which was really just wood paneling & alot of plywood that covered a rotted floor & leaky foundation.

Thank you for the disgusting blue carpet that covered every inch of every room. It was a joy ripping it all up & getting covered in 25yrs worth of your funk. Then finding more carpet underneath. That probably dated back to the 60's. It was delightful.

The new paint job on the house is great also. With all of the snow & rain from winter, the paint has bubbled in several areas. Those bubbles have filled with water from who knows where. It looks fabulous!

Oh, and thanks for the 20yr old air-conditioner mounted in the living room wall. The fact that it's held together with duct tape makes me feel great about plugging it in on those really hot summer days. And during the winter it provides a nice cold breeze that causes the heat to be null & void.

And we have enjoyed, most of all, the company of the cats that you have left us. They've made a great addition to our family.

However, the property alone has been worth it.

Sincerely,

The Current Home Owners

The Unicorn

2010-03-10T18:23:00.000-05:00

The Unicorn

A Poem by Shel Silverstein

A long time ago, when the Earth was green
There was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen
They'd run around free while the Earth was being born
And the loveliest of all was the unicorn

There was green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
The loveliest of all was the unicorn

The Lord seen some sinning and it gave Him pain
And He says, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain"
He says, "Hey Noah, I'll tell you what to do
Build me a floating zoo,
and take some of those

Green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
Don't you forget My unicorns

Old Noah was there to answer the call
He finished up making the ark just as the rain started to fall
He marched the animals two by two
And he called out as they came through
Hey Lord,

I've got green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn
I just can't find no unicorns"

And Noah looked out through the driving rain
Them unicorns were hiding, playing silly games
Kicking and splashing while the rain was falling
Oh, them silly unicorns

There was green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Noah cried, "Close the door because the rain is falling
And we just can't wait for no unicorns"

The ark started moving, it drifted with the tide
The unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away
That's why you never see unicorns to this very day

You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no unicorns

Oh I long for simplicity

2010-03-05T18:32:00.002-05:00

As a kid, things always seemed so simple. You dream of what you want to be when you grow up, how you want to live your life. Never once does it dawn on you that those things won't be easily achieved. You just take it for granted that they will happen. That you will have a great career, marry the man of your dreams, buy a house with a white picket fence & have a baby. In that order. Then the reality of adulthood sets in & here you are. Granted, I have accomplished quite a bit of that list. But not without the struggles that came with it. I eventually did marry the man of my dreams but not before marrying an asshole that put me into the deepest darkest place I'd ever been. I graduated with a degree & began a career however, it took me til I was almost 30. Now here I am, wanting a family. What made me think that it would be so easy? There is no direct flight. It's the crazy route with way to many layovers.

So earlier in the week my OB did a lab panel to test for PCOS because I have a few of the symptoms. I went to see him because of recent irregular AF & the fact that I haven't gotten pregnant since my miscarriage in April so I'm getting concerned. On a good note-all labs came back normal. I actually expected my labs to come back abnormal. Then we would follow the plan that he originally layed out. Something that I was familiar with. Going further is like going into unknown territory for me. I have no idea what they will find at this point. I'm hoping nothing.

Ok. So onto plan B. I have to go pick up paperwork for some testing. They're going to do further testing to make sure that everything is working properly. I'm really scared. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that my doctor is proactive & moving on to find out if there is a problem. I'm just really scared that it'll end up being something more then what I expected. It's like admitting infertility. It's like standing up in front of a bunch of people & saying "Hi, my name is Kathi....I have a problem..."

Pretty Princess

2010-03-04T21:43:00.002-05:00

So, recently I threw my sister a baby shower. I really tried to go over the top. She's having a girl so I did a whole princess theme. My craftiness really came out in everything from the invitations to the favors.

The favors were cupcakes. I bought these princess cupcake wraps made by Wilton. They were really simple & came out so cute.

The cupcake favors arranged on a cupcake tree.

We also had marshmallows dipped in pink chocolate courtesy of my mom.

And lastly, the cake. The big finale. It took me all day to make but I did it.

It was a great day.

I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates

2010-03-03T20:31:00.002-05:00

It always amazes me how much music can bring up so many memories in my life. Good or bad. The emotion that comes along with certain songs sometimes overpowers me & catches me off guard. Usually when I'm in the car. Music has always been a huge part of my life. As a kid, my dad always sat in his rocking chair with the radio playing singing along to the music. Him & my mom would always sing while we were in the car.
There are so many songs that remind me of him. So many songs that bring me back to my childhood or even to various stages of my life. We all have that crazy music that brings us back to our youth: New Kids on the Block, Madonna, Pat Benetar......Yes, I am one of those very odd people who listen to quite the variety of music. That, I get from my parents. Everything from rock to country to folk music. Anything that had a story to tell & some emotion behind it. Which is just about everything.
The other day I watched "Walk The Line" for the first time. For those of you who don't know, it's the story of Johnny Cash. It reminded me so much of my dad. In every aspect (except the fame). I cried. The day after my dad died, my mom went down to check on my sister. She found her sitting on her dining room floor surrounded by pictures, Johnny Cash blasting on the radio, crying her eyes out. I still cry when certain songs come on. Listening to music brings back so many memories. It makes me feel like he's still here with me.

To this day, my mom still leaves the radio on all the time. She does it for the bird so that he doesn't get lonely while she's at work. And even though it's been almost 2yrs, I still find myself walking into the living room to say hi to my dad.

I miss him so much.

Damn ovaries

2010-03-01T07:54:00.003-05:00

So here I sit. Absolutely starving. Stomach growling. But I can't eat yet because I'm getting ready to head out for fasting lab work. This is the lab work. The lab work that will tell me what path we will take with trying to concieve. Whether it will be a harder path then we've been traveling.

It amazes me that when your a teenager you spend your life trying so hard to not get pregnant. Now years later, I'm sitting here & all I can think of is how horrifying it would be if someone told me that I could not. Every month, I hope for that second pink line.

So now here I am. Getting to the bottom of it. Hoping that today will be the start of whatever road will end in a baby.

Ever have one of those days?

2010-02-28T20:02:00.001-05:00

Well that was today.

I've been really sick the past couple of days with the stomach thing that's around. All I've really eaten is some crackers & ginger ale. Then yesterday AF came with full vengence-mega cramps & all. Today I had to go to a christening & really wasn't up to it. But considering I'm the godmother I really couldn't miss it. So, I get up & figure I'll take my time getting ready because I don't feel well. I know that it's going to be a chore finding something in my closet to fit my butt that seems to have grown since I last wore anything dressy. I get out of the shower & my in-laws's are here. Nice. Not usually a big deal. They never just stop by. But considering I felt crappy & had somewhere to be the timing was really bad. Josh told them it was great of them to stop by but we had to be somewhere. Well they left about a half hour before we had to leave. So instead of being able to leasurely get ready I had to rush & tried on a dozen outfits before I found one that fit right without making me look ginormous. I got really aggravated & kinda pulled a nutty. So Josh was a little frustrated with me.

Then, after the christening I figured I'd make a short appearance at the luncheon before heading home to put jammies back on. Well, we all get to the house only to realize that the parents accidentally left their 16yr old son behind. They thought he had gotten his aunt's car while helping here load in her children. Ugh. So I did my godmotherly duty & entertained the rest of the family while they went out in search of their teenager. Who ended up walking home! He got to the house while they were still out looking for him! So to say the least, it was a long afternoon.

Now I'm home. I feel yucky

Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous

2010-02-20T07:36:00.003-05:00

So, I am up way to early for a Saturday morning but my list of things to do is pretty long so I want to get an early start. On my kitchen counter I have 24 cupcakes, 1 sheet cake, 1 crown shaped cake, 4 cans of frosting, 2 bags of marshmallows & a bag of confectionary sugar. They are all waiting to be decorated, bagged & pretty pink tags are set aside for each cupcake. I am gearing up for my sister's baby shower tomorrow.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I've been able to keep most of what I bought for the baby a secret from my sister. At times, after making a pink frilly purchase, I had to fight the urge to call her & say "Guess what I got?" I've even kept the cake a secret. She knows just about everything about the shower. She's even cooking some of the food-her idea, not mine. That's the way we are. We spoil each other & find that we can't actually wait to give each other the gifts we bought. Christmas has always been mind boggling. Every year I count the gifts I get for her, making sure that I haven't gotten more for her than anybody else. But when the day comes, it always seems I've bought so much stuff for her & she's done the same for me. And now she's having a princess of her own.

I look back at our younger years: fighting, breaking each others stuff, I even cut a chunk of her hair (yes, I was the horrible older sister). But I look at her now, and she is my best friend. I wouldn't know what to do without her.

Heart-shaped spaghetti

2010-02-13T20:30:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here, at the computer, while Josh plays his Guitar Hero Metallica. And I can't help but think of our first Valentine's Day together. He shows up at my house, with a backpack full of who knows what & banishes me from my kitchen. I wasn't even allowed to peek. So I sat in the living room watching TV & listening to pots & pans clanking from the other room. Every so often I'd try to catch a glimpse of what was going on in there only to be shooed away by the man who took over my kitchen. When everything was ready I was invited to sit at my dining room table while he brought out the meal. He had made spaghetti with italian sausage. The sausage was sliced into rounds & arranged into a heartshape on the plate with the spaghetti & sauce in the middle. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. So simple but so much effort had gone into it. Later that night he produced a box. No, not a small box. It was actually a pretty good sized box. In it was a teddy bear, dressed in a trucker outfit-jeans, t-shirt, workboots, trucker hat & sunglasses. The shirt had a truck on it & said "In it for the long haul". That was the most memorable Valentine's Day ever. It wasn't about the gift. It was all the thought that had gone into creating a perfect evening. It doesn't matter the amount spent on flowers, or jewelry...I could really care less about getting those things for Valentine's Day. I just enjoy spending the day with the man of my dreams. I don't even care to get a card. Cards get thrown away & flowers die. But the memories of a special moment together last forever & can never be taken away.

I officially hate my kitchen

2010-02-11T11:53:00.001-05:00

As I scrubbed the floor on my hands & knees I thought "I would love love love to take a sledge hammer to my damn kitchen." Starting with the floor. It's those little freaking tiles that should be used as a backsplash & are hard to clean between. I contemplated taking grout cleaner & smearing all over the floor, letting it sit, then washing it away. But the I had this horrible image of the dog licking the floor then dying-so I didn't. I love my dog.

I'm wondering how much would it really cost to redo the kitchen? If we did all the work? Ugh. Still way more than what we have. And I promised Josh I wouldn't bring up the kitchen until after the basement was less leaky, unmoldy & didn't have a whole in the floor that looks like we buried a body. However, I did get him to agree to let me paint it so I can at least brighten it up. It'll be nice to paint over the gold speckled ceiling tiles, dingy woodwork & pull off that peeling yellow wallpaper with the blue flowers on it. For now, I'll have to settle for keeping the ugly floors & the laminate cabinets.

My dream kitchen: white beadboard cabinets with black hardware, a faux tin ceiling & backsplash, butcherblock countertops & a hardwood floor.

For now I'll have to settle for this:

Make it worth it

2010-02-09T08:30:00.002-05:00

I say, if we're going to get snow, make it enough so that we can't leave the house for a few days. I hate these stupid storms that happen mid-week & cause all of us to be late for work. So, hello up there, either dump a few feet or keep your snow to yourself!

Sunday Sunday

2010-01-31T16:56:00.002-05:00

I love Sundays. I hate that Monday is the next day. But I love Sundays. I seem to get so much accomplished on a Sunday-cooking, cleaning, laundry. It's also nice to just sit & read a good book. At this time of year Sundays are a little quieter. Not as many people as during the summer when we can have everyone over & grill in the yard. But still. It's nice to have cook a warm meal while the guys watch football. Snowy days don't bother me if it's a day where I can stay inside & just enjoy puttering around the house. Next week is Super Bowl & even though the Patriots aren't in it...we're still watching it. I'm going to make home-made pizzas with all kinds of toppings. I love making take-out food at home. Today was beef chow mein with veggies. Definately better than going to the Chinese place because I made it.

When I was a kid, Sunday was always the day we'd do something together-as a family. During the summer it was always a trip to Miles Standish state park. We'd pack the car with all our beach stuff & coolers full of food then head out at the crack of dawn because if you didn't get there early you wouldn't get a good day site. It was always fun. We were always joined by aunts, uncles & a million portuguese cousins. Now most of those cousins are in jail, on drugs or even dead. It's really sad. But those were the days. Where we didn't have a care in the world & our whole lives ahead of us. Then we'd stop at Country Whip for ice cream on the way home & that completed our day.

When I have kids, I want to make sure we have days like that.

Here goes nothing.

2010-01-14T08:08:00.002-05:00

So, here I go. I am diving right into the tumultuous world of TTCAL. In the past I've kept track of my cycles & left the rest up to chance. Well, now I am taking charge. I went out & bought my first OPK & here I sit, waiting for the result. And.........drumroll please...............It's negative. No biggie. I didn't expect the first one I did to be crazy positive. That's ok. It's a journey.

As I look around me at the people I know who are also TTCAL, it's hard to believe how something that should be so simple is so difficult. I mean, look around...there are people with kids everywhere. Maybe you don't notice them as much but for someone who wants one so bad it seems like they are everywhere. And not just everywhere but attached to the hip of every teenager, crackhead & wacko out there. It seems like the more drugs you do, the less you want a child, & the crazier you are the more fertile you end up being. How ass backwards is that?? I see it everyday because it also happens to be what I do-I work in pediatrics. I love what I do. I love the children & the families. But it's also an awful reminder that every idiot out there seems to be able to reproduce. It's frustrating to watch teenagers come in with their children...that's right I said children, plural. Because it's like potato chips, you can't just have one. Sometimes they're even close together. Like a 17yr old mom with a 1yr old & a 2wk old. You just look and go WTF!!?? How do things like that happen? I mean, we all know how it happens I'm just saying how does the universe let it happen.

Then I look at those near & dear to me who are pregnant with a happy healthy baby & it gives me hope. I look at my sister's growing belly & her glowing face & I know that baby will be love & is going to have an awsome family. It gives me hope that there is good in the world & that one day I will get to have that experience. And I'm thankful that I get to share my sister's experience with her. I love looking at the ultrasound pics up on the fridge & picking out the baby stuff off to buy. It's fun to have a little one to spoil even if it's not my own. I can't wait for her arrival. To see her beautiful face. For now, while we wait, I will continue to plan her princess baby shower & enjoy shopping for all the little girly things that I can find.

And that's all for today. I now must go do all the things on my to-do list for today.

I need to cook more often

2010-01-09T08:58:00.002-05:00

Lately, with my work schedult & the business of it all, I have just not been cooking as much as I used to. I've been throwing together quick, not so healthy meals of kaelbasa & veggies. Last night was frozen pizza. At least it was white pizza so it wasn't so bad. I went for groceries last night with a long list of healthy items & meal ideas in my head. I did pretty good. I just feel like I've fallen into this rut of coming home & crashing on the couch. It's so easy just to do nothing. The cold weather is the worse. Who wants to get out of bed when its 20 degrees outside?
I love the snow & how it looks on the trees. I just hate having to go out in it. It's so much better when you can stay home in your pj's with a cup of hot chocolate & look outside at the falling snow-knowing you don't have to go out in it. It sucks when you wake up in the morning a little on the late side & realize that it snowed overnight. Now you have to scramble out of bed, shovel, clean off the car & get going so your not late. Maybe I can get a job where I only work in nice weather....Hmmmmm. Yeah right.

And reality sets in

2010-01-04T08:04:00.001-05:00

About a 1 1/2yrs ago I started being very diligent with my weightloss goals. I started logging all my foods & exercising regularly. I was very successful, losing close to 20lbs. Having my weight at the lowest it had ever been, I felt great! Then, after a devastating miscarriage in the spring, I let myself spiral out of control with making bad food choices. I don't eat alot of fast food or junk. I just eat a little to much. I also let myself become dormant. I stopped working out & became less active. And now here I am, the same weight at which I started in the first place. I'm tired, frustrated & saddened by where I am right now. This week, I excitedly thought that I was pregnant yet again. Only to have my hopes crushed with the arrival of my monthly-12 days late. Life can be cruel.

I am here now to regain my life & regain the control that I seem to have lost. I have vowed to myself many times to get healthy, be more active & to stay that way. It's difficult to keep those vows. It's a constant struggle to eat right & be active. It's a struggle that I can't give up on because it's too difficult. I need to be diligent with making good choices.

My goals for the new year:
Make healthier choices
Be more active
Be accountable by logging all my food & exercise
Blog regularly so that I may put my goals & struggles into writing so that I may let go of them & move on.

And so I start 2010 with some of the same goals I have started every other year. By adding some new ones, hopefully I can make some of them a reality

Tolerance

2009-12-21T07:51:00.001-05:00

I've been wondering alot lately why people have lost they're tolerance for others beliefs? I'm not a religious person though I did go to Catholic school for nine years. I don't go to church & I don't say grace before dinner. But I respect anyone who makes the choice to do so-of any religion. As long as their not hurting anyone, what's the big deal? The word God is censored out on TV now but they let swears go by without a thought. When did that change? No, I don't think it's appropriate for people to force their beliefs on others, but why should they be ridiculed for believing? No one knows who's religion is right or if religion is right all together. No one knows where you go when you die or if you come back as something else. So why knock people down who have a belief system? There's nothing wrong in believing in something whether it be religious beliefs, belief in each other, youself, your family. We let our kids believe in Santa & the Easter Bunny when there is no proof that they exist don't we? Whats the difference? Granted, there is a big difference between God & the Easter Bunny. I'm just saying that if you can let your kids believe in those things then why can't you just let people believe in God & leave them alone. Religion is always such a big issue. Why? If you don't believe in anything then just go about your way & leave the people that do believe alone. They're not hurting you any. And if they try to force what they believe onto you then tell them no & to go away. And if you believe in God & your proud that's fine too. But don't try to force it on those around you. It really frustrates me that most of the world believes in some kind of religion or another but we're not allowed to speak about it.

At this time of year take a look around you. Try being tolerant or even helpful to your fellow man. Society is going to crap because people think of only themselves & what they want. No one ever thinks of the people around them.

Merry Christmas

The holidays are here!

2009-11-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is officially upon us! Thanksgiving was a big hit. It was great to have the whole family under one roof. Now it's time for the Christmas craziness. Commercials have definately gotten intense-I think there are more commercials than shows.

I know that I sound like a Hallmark special, but people have really gotten away from the simple things of the holidays. Everyone is so wrapped up in the gifts & the spending that they forget about enjoying the traditions of the season. Every year I hear more & more people say how they hate Christmas. I think the problem is that every year Christmas comes sooner. Thanksgiving doesn't exist in the eyes of the retail industry. They are setting their Christmas displays before Halloween. This is the reason people are so sick of Christmas. No one gets to enjoy the season as it progresses. Halloween, Thanksgiving then Christmas. Christmas has taken over everything. I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. But, I get frustrated when I'm going to buy Halloween candy but can't get to the display because there is a ladder set up over it with someone putting up Christmas decorations.

I was watching the news the other day & they were interviewing people about the Black Friday shopping craziness. So many people said that they are cutting back on gifts this year because of the economy. One woman said how her family is trying to go back to simpler Christmas traditions. After losing my dad, the family traditions surrounding the holidays became so much more important to me than ever before. We always did things together as a family anyway but now we really make it a point to make it special & spend time together. We've gone to giving more sentimental gifts like pictures or handmade jewelry. Not just because of being on a budget but because it makes things more special knowing that an item was made for you by someone you love.

My favorite part of the holidays is getting together to decorate my mom's tree & just enjoying the time with my family. That's why it bothers me when people say they hate Christmas. Because they can't differentiate between the retail hype & the time spent with family & friends. Memories are the best give you can give because there will be a day when that's all you will have left. Unless you get Alzheimer's, then every day will be a new adventure.

Being Thankful

2009-11-19T07:01:00.000-05:00

With Thanksgiving right around the corner everyone is talking about being thankful & giving thanks for what they have. For me, I think appreciation is also a big part of that. Its important to appreciate the things you have. The things you have & the relationships in your life should never be taken for granted because one day they might not be there. I always try to let my husband & my family know how much I appreciate them. If it wasn't for them, there would be so many things that I would have never accomplished. They are my support, my backbone.
I get frustrated with people who are "rescued" by friends or relatives when times get tough. When you work for what you have you treasure it more. And when times are tough & you have less, it makes you appreciate the little things. No one will ever learn anything if they don't experience the world for what it is-the good & the bad. I look back at my life to date & I can honestly say that I have been thru some tough crap. I've been lonely, broke, living off Mac & Cheese with hot dogs. I've had crappy cars held together with wire ties & duct tape but had to make it work because I just couldn't afford anything better. Now, I'm not saying some help from your family & friends is a bad thing. We all need it. It's what they're for. We do it for them. I'm talking about someone who is always down & out but doesn't have to deal with it because their family member hands them a ton of cash to pay bills or a $60k car because yours needs alot of work. And they still cry "woe is me" & think that they're at rock bottom & it's awful.
What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I believe that so much. Looking back, I never really reflect on the crappy things that have happened. I try to reflect on the good stuff. There has been alot of good stuff too. You can't let the few really bad times overtake the good memories. Because in the end all you have is your memories. And why have them be bad ones?
So, I'm an thankful for many things. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband & my family. I'm thankful that for the great holidays that I got to spend with my dad & how he & my mom always worked so hard to make the golidays great. I'm thankful for those times because even though he's not here with us, I can look back & smile at all the great holiday memories. I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I hope that I never take any of it for granted becuase it has not always been sunshine & roses. I've had to work hard to get here & wade thru alot of crap to get where I am.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-10T18:24:00.000-05:00

So, today I spent the morning with my sister shopping for Thanksgiving decorations. The holidays are big in my family-it definately comes from my parents. We've always done Thanksgiving at home as a family. Some times we'd have aunts uncles & cousins, other times it was just us. About 8 yrs ago my mom went all Martha Stuart on us & started going all out with the table settings. She decorates the table all pretty & makes sure that there is a centerpeice & cloth napkins with rings at every place setting. We even used fancy glasses even though most of the time we were drinking water or soda. It's something we've come to enjoy & we get excited about it every year. It's fun to see what kind of table display my mom comes up with. This year, we're doing Thanksgiving dinner at my new house. I'm excited about doing it here because we'll have both my family & Josh's all together. Last year was a horrible mess about half the family wanting to go out to eat. It was devastating to be split up with half the family at a restaraunt & the other half at home. Thanksgiving should be spent at home where you can enjoy just being together & spending the day picking at food & relaxing. Restaraunts are so impersonal-not family-like at all. The Thanksgiving before my dad died I had Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws at White's. My dad had surgery the week of the holiday so we did our dinner the week before. It was the most horrible Thanksgiving. I cried on the way home. It was not Thanksgiving at all. The turkey was dry, we were only allowed one peice of pie & then we were rushed out once we paid the bill. We all went our separate ways to spend the remainder of the holiday alone. Blah.
Last year was my first Thanksgiving without my dad. It was hard on all of us. The day wasn't the same without him standing at the stove taking care of the turkey. My mom made her first turkey in 20yrs. She did good. The holidays just aren't the same without him. But, we go all out because he wouldn't have it any other way. We can't let the holidays just go by without a second thought because he's not here to celebrate with us. We celebrate them the way he always did. Together & as over-done as possible. With every inch of the house decorated & as many lights as possible.
This year I will make Thanksgiving dinner for my family (yes-everyone who will be here is my family). I will do it the way he always taught me to do it. With family. Happy. Enjoying the day. Maybe a game of Scrabble after dinner.

So it begins.

2009-11-08T16:12:00.001-05:00

This is my first post in a blog about me. I've been following my friend Stacey's blog & it has kind of inspired me to start a blog for myself. I already have one about my house & our renovating adventures but I thought it would be nice to have one where I could just say whatever.
I'm spending my Sunday afternoon just relaxing after a long few days at work. And I'm back tomorrow for more. The way things are going, it's going to be a long winter in the world of pediatrics. The swine flu craze has everyone off their rocker worrying if anyone sniffles at them the wrong way. If you think you have the swine flu, chances are you don't. When you start growing a pink curly tail, then worry. Until then, wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow & don't share drinks with anyone. On second thought, if your that worried-encase yourself in plastic wrap & wear a respirator until the winter is over.
Today I'm just enjoying the peace & quiet. I love spending time at home just enjoying my surroundings or reading a good book. I love this time of year when the leaves are turning beautiful colors. This is my favorite time. It's still warm enough out on some days to open windows but on others it's cold enough to turn the heat up a bit. I'm looking forward to having Thanksgiving dinner in my new house. I love the holidays because everyone gets together & just enjoys being family. Thanksgiving is the kickoff for the holiday season. The smell of turkey & the sight of Santa during the parade get me all excited for the approaching holidays. It's always been a tradition in my family to put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. And it's something that I've done since being on my own & having my own tree. It's not about the presents or the money spent. For me it's about family & traditions. I love the traditions that come with the holidays. The familiarity of the christmas ornaments that go on the tree every year & the addition of new ones. The favorite foods that appear every year on the table. Mmmmmm. Pie.